Twitter’s tag line is simple. It’s three words, and it completely defines the entire purpose of Twitter Social Media. For those who don’t know, Twitter’s tag line is “Join the Conversation.” The platform will fail if you don’t join a conversation. Let’s start with one of my pet peeves (aside from people who back into parking spaces): not replying to an @reply.

I’m not talking about Mentions: “I’m at SBUX 173 with @zackkitzmiller.” I’m talking about not replying to “Hey, @zackkitzmiller, wanna get a coffee?” Not replying to an @reply is the internet equivalent to giving the cold shoulder to someone talking to you at the bar. It’s rude, it’s annoying, and worst of all, it ruins the atmosphere of the place you’re in.

Despite what the “media” says, Twitter is not a place to broadcast your meaningless nothings, even though it is (if you can follow that). Because of @replies, I’ve met some really great people, and, as a SIDE EFFECT, built my business.

Think about it this way. If you and I went to coffee, and I treated that gathering like some of you tweet twitter, it would go like this:

Me: Man, I really love the Starbucks, don’t you?
You: Yeah, it’s fantastic. What’s your favorite drink?

Me: I think I’m gonna grab a scone while I’m here. 

You: Uhh … Ok, are you gonna respond to me?

Me: I’m totally searching Digg while I’m here. Isn’t WiFi awesome?

You: All right, well … I’m gonna get going … Have a good day

Me: I can’t believe how cold it is in here.

Bottom Line: Read other people’s tweets, too, and respond when necessary.

The next trend that just absolutely blows my mind is (intentional?) mis-hashtagging. I see this all the time. “Walking down town in NYC. I’ve never been here #rockford.”

Hashtags are much like tagging anything else in your life—for example, pictures. If I took a picture of my new daughter, I would probably assign the following tags: family, fiona, firsts, crib, 1-year-old. I probably wouldn’t add the “remember-911” tag, because it doesn’t make any damn sense.

When I’m searching my photoset for pictures I took at Ground Zero, why would I want a picture of my newborn daughter? I wouldn’t. So why do I want to find a link to the Balloon Boy when I search for #rockford? I F*CKING WOULDN’T. Because it doesn’t make sense.

Now, there are times when tagging something can be a little funny, or playful, and that’s fine too. You can convey a lot of meaning. “I don’t understand why people would back into a parking space #justsayin”. This is playful, and most of the regulars understand what that means, and the voice I’m trying to use.
Bottom Line: Don’t hashtag things when it doesn’t make any damn sense.

And Finally … Social Media Gurus.

People who CLAIM they are “experts” in social media. Good Lord, being a social media guru is a lot like being a beer drinking guru at college, or being a bird and a worm eating guru. These people are usually chasing money, not their passions, and fill your twitter stream with spam, TONS on bit.ly links, (because they don’t know how much better tr.im is, or how to roll your own), rarely reply to @replies, and have thousands and thousands and thousands of followers.

Most 13 year old kids are social media experts, and usually better than people who claim to be one. They have billions of YouTube views (because they’re actually MAKING content, not just linking to it) and tons of friends (because they reply when asked a question), and they are famous, because they have built a fan base.
Social Media Experts don’t do this. They follow bajillions of people on twitter, get an 8% return on that, and use a bot to unfollow the rest, to bring their ratio back down. Then aggregate useless nothings.

update: fixed the conversation lines.